“Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that it is.”- Mandy Hale
How are you holding up while we collectively navigate COVID-19? Handling stress can be tricky at the best of times, however these particular times require more than simply reducing stress – we need to intentionally pay attention to our well-being. A frequent state of tolerating stress, even when we do it well, can take a toll on all areas of our lives and over time it can erode our sense of well-being leading to a growing sense of frustration, fear, and futility.
There are three main categories of activities that contribute to a sense of well-being: things that lead to a sense of accomplishment; things we do for the sole purpose of pleasure; and meaningful connection. Activity can be a powerful way to enhance mood and promote a sense of well-being.
Well-being is more than being happy and healthy. True well-being occurs when we perceive that we are moving forward. The stagnation of isolation and restrictions lends itself to a perception that we are being ineffective and restrained - it can make us feel trapped. When we pay attention to our accomplishments, however small, we shift our focus to the things we can do as opposed to the things we can’t. Make a list of things that you can accomplish. We all have those nagging tasks that we convince ourselves that we’ll get to if/when we have more time. Write them down. Perhaps it’s organizing that overrun closet, clearing out the junk drawer, or deep cleaning various areas of your home. Maybe there’s a project you’ve been meaning to start – begin by itemizing the steps required. Things that contribute to a sense of accomplishment can include catching up on emails, coming up with a budget, or taking a course. Everything counts - even something we typically consider mundane such as making the bed, putting away the laundry, or doing the dishes. The key is intention. Take notice of the things you are accomplishing no matter how small or irrelevant they may seem.
Things that we do simply for pleasure nourish us and contribute to a sense of enjoyment. We often minimize these activities or avoid them due to the potential guilt associated with self-indulgence. We sometimes believe that we need to earn them, that they are rewards we gain only after we do the “real things”, but that’s not true. These activities are essential to well-being. They are how we show ourselves kindness and self-compassion. They remind us that we are deserving and worthy. Again, make a list. Items may include a leisurely bath, going for a walk, or picking up that novel you’ve wanted to read. Maybe it’s watching that movie, show, or documentary that you’ve heard good things about. You could listen to music or treat yourself to a favorite meal. Pay attention to the little things – that first sip or coffee, snuggling with your child, or playing with your dog. This list is a way to notice, or invite, pockets of bliss into your day.
Connection is essential to well-being and the category that has been most affected by the pandemic. Humans are social beings and as such the drive for connection is hardwired. Without meaningful connection we feel vulnerable. We are missing our loved ones, and it’s easy to get caught up in a sense that an important right has been taken from us. However, there are ways to stay connected. Perhaps not ideal, but, again, if we focus on what we can do rather than what we can’t, we can positively impact mood and well-being. Virtual connections have become easier than ever, and with some creativity can be both satisfying and rewarding. While regular calls, texts, emails, and video chats are a great way to keep up to date with our loved ones (or to reconnect with those we haven’t with in a while), we can enhance those connections by creating shared experiences. Arrange to watch the same movie or read the same book with your bestie – or even host a virtual book club. Find a recipe that is new to both you and your loved one, then create it, and eat it, together virtually. Perhaps there’s a board game you can adapt to play online. You may find that there are several activities that can be modified to respect the recommendations of distancing. There are ways to stay connected without technology as well. Write a letter or send a card – this lets your loved ones know that you’re thinking of them by providing a tangible reminder. Acts of service can also be strengthening to our bonds and can be done without contact: run errands for your loved ones, who may be more vulnerable; offer to help with yard work or maintenance; donate to food banks. Acts of service remind us, and the people we help, that we are not alone. Make your list of ways to connect – from small ways like sending texts or making calls to more creative ones.
Creating a sense of well-being in the face of adversity is an intentional necessity. You now have 3 lists of ways to become more aware of the various ways we cultivate a sense of well-being by paying attention to accomplishments, pleasure, and connection. Every day, ensure that you are noticing/completing at least one item from each list. Many of these are activities that we already do everyday, but we do not intentionally acknowledge them and contributing to our well-being. We are already paying attention to our struggles (brains are wired to be vigilant around perceived threat), but it takes conscious effort to objectively acknowledge – or create - balance.
For some, staying happy, healthy, and whole in the midst of chaos may take more than simply adding or acknowledging activities associated with well-being. For those who have noticed that their mental health has declined, or that unhealthy coping strategies (substance abuse or addictive behaviors) have become concerning, you may need help. Please contact your medical health professional, or counsellor, to find out what type of support is available. We are all in this together, and it is needless to suffer alone.
“Your brain constructs your reality based on what you pay attention to. When you learn to manage and direct your focus, you have the power to improve virtually every aspect of your life.” - Ruben Chavez