“As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December’s bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to who we are worth the same.” – Donald Westlake
We are halfway through the 8-part series around problematic aspects of functioning that cause an individual to consider counselling, but I feel that it may be timely to take a bit of a break and start thinking about the upcoming holiday season. Some of you reading this may respond with “Argh! NO! Too soon! TOO SOON!”... however, it's a professional hazard to advocate for attending to situations before they become bigger (scarier!) issues. Though it is not quite December, both retail and media are in full swing – this can trigger a full spectrum of emotions ranging from excitement to dread.
While many equate the season with family, friends, and cheer, others greet the season with anxiety, which then can amplify feelings of loneliness or disconnect. This also has the potential to be the season of other not so comfortable feelings: guilt, inadequacy, under-appreciation, overwhelm, mental (and physical!) exhaustion, etc.
I’ve always suspected that this is why gratitude and compassion have become such a huge part of the season. With good reason! Both compassion and gratitude are powerful tools in vitality. Negative thoughts have a way of snagging our attention. This is one of those evolutionarily driven adaptations that can aid in our survival, but may not necessarily be universally applicable or helpful.
Gratitude focuses our attention on the good and can serve to shift our focus and offer a more balanced outlook. When we practice gratitude, we more immediately recognize all the things that are going “right”. Gratitude is not about invalidating our negative feelings or experiences; rather it is about facilitating balance and objectivity.
Similarly, when we nurture compassion, understanding and connection offer an opportunity to ground those thoughts that may be ruminating and contributing to feelings of distress. It not only gives us permission to authentically feel and be, we create a tendency to extend the same courtesy to others. In my practice, I consistently use compassion-based exercises as a foundation to health and healing.
So, this post is a reminder of two (somewhat cliché, but fundamental) things:
1) Be kind to yourself: it’s ok to feel whatever you feel, breathe, practice self-care
2) Be kind to others: your kindness is contagious (especially this time of year), also it is not always possible to be aware of others are going through – erring on the side of kindness is always the right thing to do
“I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.” – Fred Rogers